Is it possible for a woman to be a sex addict?

 Sex addiction is commonly overlooked in clinical assessments of women. Society once believed women could not be alcoholics and now it cannot accept or may be does not want to accept that women can be sex addicts as well. Women around the world are socialized as nurturers and caregivers rather than receivers. However, it this same socialization and expectation that prevents a woman from seeking help for her problem.

There is another reason why clinical diagnosis is difficult in women. Sex addiction presents very differently in women than in men. Because women learn early that it is inappropriate to ask to meet your sexual needs directly, a female sex addict’s behaviors are more indirect and even victim-based. A woman may seek to appear demure, coy or seductive. She may also put herself in situations that are potentially abusive or even dangerous.

How does the female sex addict experience her addiction?

How is the female sex addict like her male counterpart?

Spinning Out of Control: While the behaviors look different from that of a male addict, the woman sex addict experiences the same feelings of spinning out of control. Like any other addict, her addiction is marked by a desperate need to control her behaviors and a growing inability to do so. We, as a society, may choose to dismiss her as the hussy, nymphomaniac or slut, but her pain remains as intense as that of a male addict.

Obsession: With many women who are addicted to sex, obsessive thought begins with planning how to attract a sexual partner. Anonymous sexual encounters are not uncommon. The Internet provides opportunities for this.

Power and Control: Another component that plays a major role in many sex female addicts is power. Consider this example:

Lisa is a 39-year-old mother of two. She is also a recovering alcoholic. Throughout the years Lisa has found great pleasure in flirting with her husband’s friends and brothers. Lisa then moved on to visiting bars and having anonymous encounters with men. During this time, Lisa noticed that in the beginning she would target single men only. But soon this did not feel exciting enough anymore. Now Lisa began to target men who were there with their girlfriends. Recently, Lisa has begun to charge money for the encounters. Lisa says that she does not necessarily need the money but feels an immense sense of power as she fingers the cash that was handed over to her before the sexual encounter. This is not only a part of the sexual arousal but also a significant part of her “high”. Lisa believes that if men are willing to pay for the sex, it is an indication of her power over them.

Inability to Stop: Although these women may realize the unhealthy nature of their behaviors, they may be unable to stop. They may promise themselves that they will stop only to fail. Rationalizations and justifications may be used to continue these behaviors. Others may control their behaviors with workaholism, overeating, alcohol, etc.   However, the costs of such behaviors keep getting higher and higher.

Sex may be traded for drugs, social access, power, or promotion but results in a heavy sense of shame. Less shame is reported about trading sex for friendship, approval, or security; these are usually named as trading for love.

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