For Spouses Archives - Rochna Hazra, LPC

Shame and the Alcoholic’s family

Shame and the Alcoholic’s family The Spouse Mary Beth had married the love of her life. Greg laughed a lot, was affectionate and caring and a good provider. The couple had two beautiful children. Life could not be better and Marybeth was happier than she had ever been. There was only one little problem: Greg sometimes drank too much. Marybeth had tried to reason with him, plead with him and even threatened to leave him. When they had these conversations, Greg seemed genuinely remorseful. He even became tearful when he heard how much she suffered because of his drinking. [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:20+00:00November 25th, 2015|Alcoholism, For Spouses|Comments Off

Alcohol and Shame

Shame as a basis for Alcoholism: Greg's dad died when Greg was only nine months old. His mom struggled as a single woman to raise him. It was the 1960s and life was hard for Greg’s mother. Two years later, it got to be too much and, she too left Greg. Greg's grandparents raised him from then on. For the most part, his grandmother was kind and fair woman. But when she was overwhelmed, stressed or frustrated, she projected her anger on to Greg. She told him, "This is why your mother left you. You are just too much [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:20+00:00November 10th, 2015|Alcoholism, For Spouses, Relapse Prevention|Comments Off

Physical Signs of Alcoholism

Physical Signs of a Drinking Problem Marge was looking forward to seeing her adult son after almost two years. Greg has been living in Europe on assignment with his wife and two little boys. Marge was delighted when he called to say that the family would be coming home for thanksgiving break. However, since Greg arrived a day before Thanksgiving, Marge has been somewhat disturbed by some of the things that she noticed in Greg. Greg’s face looks flushed, his eyes are always bloodshot and he has gained a significant amount of weight. On the morning of Thanksgiving [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:21+00:00September 1st, 2015|Alcoholism, For Spouses|Comments Off

Growing Up with an Alcoholic Parent

Growing Up With An Alcoholic Parent In the next several weeks, we will look at the different characteristics that people develop in growing up with an alcoholic parent. Adult children of alcoholics, very often, marry an addict or become addicted to alcohol, prescription medication, shopping or gambling themselves. They may also develop an eating disorder. Growing up in a family where one or both parents are alcoholic can be not only painful and traumatic but can create behavior patterns in you that hinder your happiness and well-being in your adult years. In this article, you will meet Carla who bears [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:21+00:00August 25th, 2015|Alcoholism, For Spouses|Comments Off

Denial in Addiction: What you don’t tell your therapist

Maria left her alcoholic husband two years ago. She had been in denial of the addiction for years. The whole process was unbearably painful and even now Maria continues to struggles with occasional depression. Anniversaries are particularly hard. But with the help of her therapist and the Al-Anon program, Maria has built a support network that has helped her tremendously. She has begun to put her 8 year marriage behind her. Recently, Maria has begun to date a wonderful, charming man who treats Maria well, has a stable job and loves to spend time with Maria and her friends. Denial: [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:21+00:00August 2nd, 2015|Alcoholism, For Spouses|Comments Off

Alcohol and the Soccer Mom

On July 26, 2009, 36 year old Diane Schuler drove 2 miles the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway before crashing into another SUV killing a total of 8 people. Toxicology reports revealed that at the time of the crash, Diane had an equivalent of 10 alcoholic beverages and high levels of the active ingredient in marijuana. Even family members were stunned... She was a "good mother" , they said and good mothers aren't drinkers. Most of us think of alcoholics as drunks rolling on a street corner. Here is what we don’t picture: the slim PTA Mom [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:22+00:00June 4th, 2015|Alcoholism, For Spouses|Comments Off

My Husband Won’t to go to Marriage Counseling!! What do I do?

"My Husband Refuses to go to Marriage Counseling!! What should I do?” I hear these words from women all the time. They call me and ask how they can get their husbands to come in to my office for marriage counseling. They have tried everything— pleading, threatening divorce, withdrawing but nothing seems to work. My question to them is: "So what are you going to do?… Are you going to wait for him to change his mind? He may go to marriage counseling a couple of times and then be too busy at work, be out of town on a [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:22+00:00June 4th, 2015|Anxiety, Depression, For Spouses|Comments Off

MANIPULATION: A Symptom of Powerlessness

Manipulation is a tool that is often used by addicts as well as their families. (It is especially common with people who have grown up as children where one or both parents were addicts or codependents. When it works, the manipulator feels like a winner and the manipulate has an uncomfortable feeling that he or she cannot put their finger on. Ironically enough, manipulation has its roots in the belief that we are powerless and that we cannot get our needs met by the simple act of asking. It springs from the belief that if we ask for what we [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:22+00:00December 18th, 2014|For Spouses|0 Comments

What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside of you –Wayne Dyer

Throughout our day, we are engaged in activities that will make our lives "better", easier, more secure, happier, or make others happy. We avoid adversity, or anything that may bring adversity upon us. And yet, if you look back at our lives, we see that when times have been hard, we have stepped up and taken on challenges that we never thought we could handle. We have all heard the story of Candace Lightner , the founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). Candace founded MADD when her thirteen year old daughter died when a drunk driver hit her and [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:22+00:00November 24th, 2014|Alcoholism, For Spouses, Relapse Prevention, Sex Addiction|0 Comments

Accept it as if you chose it — Eckhart Tolle

Accept it as if you chose it -- Eckhart Tolle A few months back, I was experiencing a difficult situation in my personal life. As I struggled through the situation — one day fighting to change it and another fighting the urge to want it to change, I began listening to the Power of Now by Eckart Tolle. This is one of my favorite books and I have listened to it many many times over the years. I thought i knew everything the book said but I was desperate to change how I was feeling and grasping for direction. I [...]

By Rochna Hazra, LPC|2017-12-07T21:57:23+00:00November 2nd, 2014|Anxiety, Depression, For Spouses|0 Comments